I was warned that living together could be difficult. “You’ll need to adapt” and “You have so much to learn about each other” were common refrains. But, I knew all of that – it’s not like I’m new to the rodeo. I’ve spent a considerable portion of my adult life in relationships and sharing space. Admittedly, this would be different: it counts as the first *real* cohabitation, without fallbacks, without a place to escape or hide, without anywhere to turn to vent. Was I really prepared for living together?
After more than 7 years on opposite sides of the planet, I was certain that we were. I am certain that we are. Two weeks is by no means an indication of the rest of your life, but instinct matters. I’ve learned to trust mine; I’ve learned to watch for the signs from the universe that either endorse or refute my gut. But, I have to say, my faith has paid off – in the best possible ways.
I’m not saying that we don’t see the world differently. Two people + two perspectives = 47 opinions on everything. And I’m okay with that, because I don’t want to date a clone. I enjoy the variety and the discourse, and I want someone to challenge me on preconceived notions. I want someone to offer a different point of view and help me see the world in a new light. Trite? Maybe. And I’m not looking for a long-winded, 60-year disagreement either. But as long as we are communicating and talking and sharing, I’m comfortable with the bumps and bickering. There is something to be said for knowing a person well enough to push their buttons playfully. Just sayin’.
Plus, it’s *really* nice to have two cooks in the kitchen now. We don’t step over each other (much), and because I’m an interloper of sorts, I let him do most of the execution. But it’s really *really* nice to have someone to cook for and to be creative with. (“Nice” is such a lame adjective, I know, but it feels like the right descriptor. It’s nice.) We have been doing a lot of cooking at home to conserve funds, but it’s also been enlightening. A bottle of wine usually helps, but we are not becoming winos. At least not yet.
[If you’ve never read The Oatmeal, I strongly recommend that you do! He does a brilliant series on the pros and cons of living with your significant other, and it’s stinkin’ hilarious!]
Well, well… you’ve arrived! I’m all caught up after reading your other posts. Sorry about the pooch. I know that stung. Cohabitation? I’m familiar. What are my biggest lessons from cohabiting.. let’s see:
1. my partner doesn’t communicate the way I do – learn their communication preferences
2. is my partner overly concerned with hurting my feelings – set them free
3. what are the domestic expectations – nail them down
4. learn this phrase “when you do X, I feel Y” instead of and not to be confused with “when you do X, you make me feel Y.” Not the same thing.
5. You can’t fix your partner’s shit and vice versa; it’s your partner’s responsibility to work on themself, unless they are single and don’t impact the lives of others
6. You’re not responsible for your partner’s happiness, but you can support them along your joint and yet solo life journey
Take care and chat soon
-HB
Thanks for your tips, Henry! It’s been an adventure so far, and I trust that we will continue to enjoy the ride. We need to catch up properly – some tidbits to fill you in on!
So glad that so far so good!
Happy to hear things are off to a good start. Definitely go with your gut!!
Thank you! I know that you know what I’m talking about. 🙂